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I asked you all to share with me something you wish your caregiver never told you. This was on the heels of a prior post on “dumping/venting” vs sharing + being honest with our children. It’s an important discussion to have, as the best way to shift your own parenting is to take a glimpse at the way you were parented. ____ The most common themes were: Details of marital problems/affairs Financial burdens Bashing other parent Mentions of suicide/self harm Regrets of pregnancy Blaming child for lack of resources/intimacy/connection/freedom. ____ I know, it’s heartbreaking to share those. For a lot of you, it may have been the first time you ever thought about it. As a parent now, you may find a similar pattern in your own parenting. This also may alarm you. ___ We repeat what we don’t repair. It’s not your child’s responsibility to carry the burden of your painful childhood. They aren’t to blame, nor is it their job to fix what is broken in you. It’s not their job to understand your hurts. _____ I see you wanting to break the cycle. It takes awareness + intention. One major starting point to keep in mind is SAFETY. Safety is what we need to explore, connect, learn, and try new things. It’s needed at the core of life’s essence. If sharing something jeopardizes your child’s safety, everything beneath the surface will suffer. ____ When we place our own need for connection, sympathy + comfort above our children’s, this is how their safety crumbles. This chart will help you see the delicate balance between connecting + being honest, while staying mindful of this safety first and foremost. Often, it’s a little tweak in verbiage. ____ Children are very intuitive. They know when something “isn’t right.” However it’s up to you to use discretion + appropriate language to ensure their safety is supported. This will empower you to break cycles + stop the harmful patterns that hurt you as a child for good. ___ #motherhood #honesty #boundaries #parenting #connection #childhood #communicate #anxiety #vulnerability #heal #recovery #kidlife #momlife

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